Sunday, March 2, 2014

Pregnant & In Love

Today is Losar - the Tibetan Lunar New Year.  I figure New Year's Day is as good as time as any to let everyone know I'm pregnant and in love.  That's right.  Me.  A celibate nun.  I'm pregnant with an unborn Buddha.  And so are you.  I'm in love with a canary.  Island.  I hope to give birth there on my little island in the sea.

There's an unborn Buddha in every sentient being.  Just like water is wet and and fire is hot, our nature is Buddhanature.  Unfortunately, it's covered up by lots of messy stuff.  Meditation practice purifies the dirt and nurtures our unborn babe.  Then one day, we give birth to that which was there all along.

Buddha means awakened one.  We wake up to the truth.  We give birth to infinite compassion fused with supreme wisdom.  Buddha is not a god but the very matrix of the universe.  How would it be if we all began honoring and cultivating the unborn Buddha in ourselves and each other?  If we develop devotion and discipline towards giving birth to our true nature?  How lovely and amazing that would be!

As for me, I'm intent on healing this body so I can go give birth on El Hierro.  As of yet, I can't sit that long and I can't go places where the pavement isn't smooth.  Who knew I'd one day love the idea of miles and miles of tarmac and newly made suburban sidewalks?  No cracks, no bumps, no potholes for me.

El Hierro.  You know when magazines print "The top 10 best kept secret incredible places" and you resent them for disclosing the places you used to love which will now be ruined by a mad exodus of people seeking their own little secret?  I hesitate to tell you about my island.  About how it's a bastion of sustainable living and spring-like weather.  How it used to be considered the end of the earth.  How it highlights the superlative qualities of an arid Mediterranean ocean.

Although I have never been there, even close friends have started calling it "my island".  How's your island, they ask.  What's going on with the weather on your island?  Won't it be strange when I finally get there and none of the actual inhabitants even know who I am?  Little do they know they are living on my island.


I imagine myself on my island in long term silent retreat.  My little strawbale hut, a dog, and two goats, maybe a cat who visits periodically.  Quietly passing the days in meditative equipose, walking down to the sea, picking fresh veg in the garden.  For the weekly market, I leave solitude behind for the chance to stock up on necessities and island gossip.  From time to time, I host other retreatants.  People who long to slow down, look inward, and stop talking.

We tend to think for some reason that everyone is like us, no?  I believe that everyone wants to go to an isolated place where they barely speak the language and don't know anyone else and there is nothing going on.  Sound like heaven to you?

At some point I realized that I am often either subconsciously or consciously or unconsciously planning my El Hierro life.  I need to learn restorative yoga so when I get to my island I can release my own fascia.  I need to learn how to grow vegetables so I can grow my own food.  I need to fix my knee so I can live completely alone.  I need to get my strength back so I can carry more than a gallon of water.  On and on like that my brain weighs decisions and plans against how it will be when i get to my island.  Funny!

So I share this with you, because maybe you too have a secret life you are planning.  And it helps to bring it out of the shadows and into the light.  Then we can do something about it.  After all, when the unconscious speaks to us, it's probably the unborn Buddha.  Trying to tell us something important.

Which brings me to my last item of New Year's Day news: I think I should get a tattoo.  A big pause symbol.  Maybe between my eyebrows or just over the "Sea of Tranquility" acupressure point on the sternum.  Or maybe on the back of my hand so I see it more often.

The big pause.  This is when our unborn Buddha speaks to us. But not in words.  So we better slow down and create a space so we can listen.

Pausing has become one of my favorite all time events of the day.  It is free and abundant and healing.  Where would we be without these gaps?  Actually, sometimes our daily lives resemble run on sentences without any commas, semicolons, or periods.  From time to time we need a FULL STOP.

Try it now.  In the HeartMind Method, I call this the Heart Pause practice.
1. Stop what you're doing.
2. Bring your hand, your breath, and your mind to your heart.
3. Smile.  And breathe in and out of your heart space for 3 to 3000 seconds.

There are plenty of moments that call for a natural pause.  Try some out lights, before a meal, while peeing, between activities, waiting for the coffee to brew, right before you get angry, when the phone rings, when your watch beeps, waiting in line at the store.  Add your own list here:

With lots of little gaps, we give birth to the Buddha.  We hear the language of our hearts.  Mine is saying "Go to your island.  It's waiting for you."

With that thought, I bid you Happy New Year! May you enjoy lots of pauses, secrets, and being pregnant.